High-performing leaders can miss the signs of burnout because they are still performing. The work gets done. People count on them. Sometimes the very habits that are wearing them down are the habits everyone keeps praising.

You know the person. The strong one. The dependable one. The one who can carry more.

Maybe that person is you.

I understand the instinct to keep going. In *Your But Is Too Big*, I wrote about how easy it is to look successful while something inside is breaking. My wedding night should have felt like the beginning of a beautiful new chapter. Instead, I was outside having a panic attack. I had lived through grief and loss, and I had become good at finding reasons to put off what needed my attention. I could keep moving. I could not keep pretending that moving meant I was well.

That moment is part of my story, not a test you have to pass to recognize your own strain. Your warning signs may be much quieter.

When being dependable starts costing more

You answer another message after dinner. You take responsibility for one more problem because you know you can handle it faster. You stop asking for help because explaining the situation feels like more work than doing it yourself. The next morning, you show up and produce again.

Nothing about that looks like a collapse. It may even look like commitment.

But pay attention to the direction of your growth. Are you becoming more patient, or merely better at hiding your impatience? Are you making clearer decisions, or making them faster because you cannot bear one more unresolved question? Have you started treating every request as an interruption?

I have written this line in my leadership draft, and I believe it belongs here: “We were rewarded for being the strong one, the dependable one, the one who could carry more. But somewhere along the way, carrying more started costing more.”

That cost can show up in your energy, your relationships, your attention, and your ability to be present with the people you lead. You may notice it before anyone else does. You may also be the last person willing to name it.

Ask what the job is asking of you

We need to be careful with the word *burnout*. The World Health Organization describes it as an occupational phenomenon associated with chronic workplace stress that has not been successfully managed—not a medical diagnosis. Exhaustion alone does not tell you its cause. If your health or functioning is suffering, seek appropriate professional support rather than trying to diagnose yourself from an article. WHO's explanation is a useful starting point.

Ask yourself two sets of questions. The first is personal: What have I been carrying without processing? Which habits have become my default under pressure? What help have I stopped inviting?

The second is organizational: Is the workload sustainable? Are priorities clear? Do I have the authority and resources to meet the expectations? Am I working in a culture that treats every limit as a lack of commitment?

The answer may live in both places. A leader can grow in self-awareness and boundaries while an organization changes unreasonable demands. In fact, the NIOSH burnout-prevention guidance emphasizes workplace policies and practices alongside individual support. It would be unfair to hand a leader a breathing exercise and leave a broken workload untouched.

Take one honest step before the crisis

For one week, notice when the day becomes hardest to carry. Write down what happened, what you felt, and what you did next. Look for a pattern rather than a verdict.

Then choose a real conversation. Ask a supervisor to reset competing priorities. Tell a colleague where you need backup. Clarify what can wait. If your strain is affecting your health, speak with a qualified professional. You do not need to prove you can carry everything alone before you are allowed to ask for support.

You are going to grow under pressure. The question is how. I want you to be able to look at what is happening early enough to choose growth that makes you healthier—not simply more practiced at surviving.

For a related reflection, read how to tell whether your leadership capacity matches your responsibility.

For organizations and event planners: My Leading Well Under Pressure speaking work helps leaders examine how pressure shapes their choices and how they show up for their teams. Tell me about your audience, including the conditions they are working within.